she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize