I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize