My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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