Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
