There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
