i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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