if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize