I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this just has baby written all over it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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