i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
