I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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