I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
