I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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