we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
