I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
