im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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