Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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