That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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