He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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