Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
