Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
