I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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