According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
