worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
