I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
