It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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