The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
