i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
