But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
