can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
