I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
