I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
