Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
