She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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