the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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