She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
