Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
