First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
