you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
