i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
