I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
