I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
