uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
