Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize