Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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