May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
