I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
