U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just had sex on a roof
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
