I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
