dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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