I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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