i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
