My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
