It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
