So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
