Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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