people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
