Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize