Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
