No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
