He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
