I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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