Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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