We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have âdaddy issuesâ. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
