He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
