yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
