We named our party play list daddy issues
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize