theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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